The more we normalise being single, the less embarrassed we will feel when we ask for a table for one. I want that for the future; a world where we can exist as individuals as opposed to in pairs.
Alice Garnett reveals the natural and sublime beauty of her northern hometown Matlock, and reminisces on her connection to it.
If the weather allows us, I intend to get (socially distanced) drunk once again with my home friends in a field. I am lucky to live in a place with an abundance of open spaces, even if it means struggling up a 100m incline to get there, and a pretty clumsy pitch-black descent once we’re done for the night.
It can be far too easy to switch off and forget about current affairs under lockdown, especially if, like me, you live in a small town far from all the action. There is so much going on right…
…The Cloud, is probably brimming with dicks, tits, and all other anatomical ‘best bits’ as the internet is currently the only place we can ‘flaunt it’ so-to-speak. This is by no means a bad thing in and of itself; viva la nip is all I’m saying
We’re all familiar with that classic teen fiction scene where a parent walks in on their, pretty much always male, pride-and-joy pleasuring themselves.
I don’t know what ‘toner’ is or what it does, I don’t understand the significance of ‘exfoliation’, and I really don’t get what the deal is with those face-roller things made out of semi-precious stones.
“It’s like the virtual equivalent of making eye contact with someone you might know in public only for them to quickly avert their eyes and pretend like they didn’t see you … but they definitely did.”
“Whilst FOMO normally feels like a petty, fairly trivial anxiety – a vague sting of jealousy whenever we see other people having fun – this is a Fear Of Missing Out that goes way beyond that one party I didn’t go to.”
“Be thin, but also, don’t” seems to be the current paradox we are expected to fulfil through rigorous workout routines, snorting a line of kale for breakfast, and drinking blended green sludge (which, incidentally, will probably make you feel like you’re going to shit yourself – but that’s probably how you know it’s working).